“An accident is sometimes an unhappy woman’s best friend.” – Stephen King, “Dolores Claiborne”
Many people wonder why victims don’t leave their abusive partners sooner, if at all. But until you have walked a mile in someone’s else’s shoes….ESPECIALLY if their mile includes multiple types of abuse….then no one should judge them.
Many people assume that unless the victim of abuse is suffering from physical hits, punches, bruises or rape, then they are not “technically” being abused. PsychCentral.com defines the word “abuse” as….”…harmful or injurious treatment of another human being that may include physical, sexual, verbal, psychological/emotional, intellectual, or spiritual maltreatment.”
Dolores Claiborne, the 1995 movie starring Kathy Bates, is a perfect example of most of the types of abuse that a woman may go through.
After the eclipse yesterday, all of the No Longer a Victim team members were inspired to watch this film again given that a major plot point includes the 1975 Solar Eclipse. Much of the film follows Kathy Bates’ character, who suffers various types of abuse at the hands of her alcoholic husband. Once she discovers he has also been sexually abusing their only daughter Serena, Dolores decides to leave her husband only to discover that he has stolen all of her money. Once she finds out, she loses all hope of leaving him and pours out her heart to her boss, Vera. Vera then responds with the now famous quote, “An accident is sometimes an unhappy woman’s best friend.”
Vera’s character also points out that if Dolores were to leave, it is only a matter of time until her husband finds her and her daughter again….emphasizing the inevitable…that he will abuse them even more.
Sadly, there is a certain percentage of abusers that believe they must maintain control of their family at all times and by any means necessary, whether it’s because of maintaining their reputation (as having a family instead of being single), making sure they always have a maid/sex partner/cook, or any other reason they deem as logical in their decrepit mind.
Many people wonder why victims don’t leave, but the reality is that the most dangerous time for a survivor is when they leave the abusive partner; 75% of domestic violence related homicides occur upon separation and there is a 75% increase of violence upon separation for at least two years. Please visit this link for more information…Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship – Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness & Action (stoprelationshipabuse.org)
Most victims of abuse know that they cannot leave because they know what their abuser is capable of. The reason for this is due to the fact that they most likely know that person better than anyone else. The solution in the movie “Dolores Claiborne” is….. **SPOILER** that she stages his accidental death to happen during the eclipse. The sad part about abusers like her husband is that they stop at nothing to make sure their victim is always under their control, which her character knew. In addition, she further knew the only way she and her daughter would have peace (given the circumstances) is that he had to lose his life.
We at No Longer a Victim do not advocate Dolores’ actions in the film, but we definitely understand why she did what she did. We have spoken to several former victims of abuse who have stated that they truly did not have any relief until their abuser had died.
Leaving the abuser is the most difficult part of a victim’s life and without help, it is often impossible. If you want to leave your abuser but do not know where to start, we recommend you start by telling the details of your situation to someone you trust. If that is not an option for you, please contact us via email at Hello@NoLongerAVictim.Today or call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233)
If you want to learn more about how the word “ABUSE” encompasses much more than just physical hits & blows, buy Episode 1 of our docuseries, “No Longer a Victim: Not Just a Bruise”.
We will have more upcoming blog posts about this topic, so make sure to sign up to receive the updates.
If you have questions about your abusive situation, please contact us via email at Hello@NoLongerAVictim.Today or call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233)
